Knock You Down (part 2)
So as my relationship with Mr.V intensify, I find myself wondering—am I what he wants? Am I good enough for him or am I just a place holder? Whose place am I holding…I have no idea. Maybe for someone better to come along.
It did occur to me that perhaps I am just imitidating with the fact that I am so so different from all his previous lovers; that I don’t quite fit that mold. So could it be that I’m just an one time thing kinda chick (him, testing the waters) or am I who he is actually looking for? We have such chemistry and rare emotions when we are together that it just feel undoubtly right. But my insecurities begins to become more visible when I think about his past relationships. He has always been the one who has been in much longer relationships than me, and when I say much longer I mean from 2-4 year relationships. For me, my longest is probably only 1 year…off and on. So what does that inidicate? Whose pattern of relationship behavior are we going to be follow after, mines or his? His being a long relationship but with ultimate conclusion of a break up or mines, just breaking up as soon as there is a chance to.
I have also considered the fact that maybe I’m just over analysizing this relationship. I’m in such fear of making the same mistakes that I did with all my past relationships, I don’t want it to happen again. I understand that every relationship is different and everyone changes and grow, but I just can’t help be feel like this is can temporary even though in my heart, I don’t want it to be. I would not want it to be. I’m tired of transitory relationships…I want more from this one and I want him, whole-heartedly. But I have to admit, when love does come around, it can really knock you on your face……again.
